Does love make us lazy?

I’ve found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of—perfect in every way. I think it’s safe to say that he’s my “dream man.” We’ve faced the challenge of long-distance for the first few months of our relationship, but somehow, it felt like the distance helped me focus on my own goals. Don’t get me wrong, it was incredibly hard to be apart, but there was something healthy about taking it slow, allowing the time apart to help us grow as individuals before fully coming together.

Recently, I moved to his hometown to be closer to him and start my second year of college. I got my own apartment because I’ve always loved having my own space, and I moved in just a week before school started. The first few days were spent with him, and it felt wonderful—finally being together after months of waiting, but then suddenly I found myself not excited about school. This was surprising because I’ve always loved my studies, especially the subject I’m pursuing.

On the first day of school, he had to fly across the country for work. The first night he was gone, I didn’t notice much of a difference in my outlook. But by the second night, I found myself sitting in class, fighting back tears because I was struggling with a course I don’t particularly excel at—math. But when I got home that night, something shifted. The next day, I was fascinated by the material being taught, and everything seemed to click in a way I hadn’t expected. I actually understood what the instructor was teaching, and for the first time in a while, I felt a genuine excitement for my schoolwork.

I spent the rest of the day locked into homework and reading, and for the first time in months, I didn’t procrastinate. This is a big deal for me because, like many young adults, I struggle with severe ADHD. Procrastination has always been my go-to, even though I despise it. But somehow, without medication, I was able to focus and it felt incredible. For the first time this year, I was excited for school, and I couldn’t wait for what was ahead.

However, my partner came back into town three nights later, and since I didn’t have classes the next day, I invited him over because I obviously missed him. But the next morning, it was like everything I had built in the past few days unraveled. I woke up feeling like I was back at square one. I didn’t want to do my homework anymore, I didn’t feel like looking for a job (which is saying a lot because I love to work). I had a simple thought as I drove to get a coffee that morning: does love make us lazy?

The only reasoning I could come up with at this time is that my partner has this “provider” mentality. Maybe, in some strange way, my feminine instincts have kicked in, leaving me with this desire to take a step back, slow down, and focus on domestic life. It’s strange because I never thought I would feel that way. I used to think I’d never want that life—a life where my purpose was just to emotionally support my partner, take care of the home, and maybe raise kids. But here I am, thinking those thoughts and realizing I don’t have the ambition I once did.

I never wanted to be “just” a wife or a mother, and the thought used to make me nauseous. I always said, “That will never be me,” but now, I find myself questioning everything. Is this just the way we women are meant to be—find a partner, marry them, have children, and then stop dreaming for ourselves?

The truth is, I don’t want to fall into that trap, but sometimes it feels inevitable. I feel like I’m losing my ambition for my future, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. I don’t want to just let go of my dreams, but at the same time, it feels like it's getting harder and harder to chase them. Do I force myself to get back on track? I have to. I owe that much to myself. But every day, I watch as time slips by without a clear sense of purpose or drive for my goals. It’s like I’ve lost the spark that once made me feel alive.

I hope that one day, I’ll find the balance between love and ambition, between supporting someone else and still chasing my own dreams. But for now, I’m just trying to keep moving, even when everything feels so uncertain.

Kylee J Peters