New Year’s resolutions come and go, often fading as quickly as they begin. I never believed in them—maybe because the pressure to change feels heavier than the promise of a fresh start.
It’s been 44 days into the new year, and this is the first time I’ve actually taken the time to sit down and write. It’s kind of sad, really, that we make all these promises to ourselves at the start of the year—resolutions, goals, fresh starts—but when it actually comes down to it, we don’t follow through. I’ve never really believed in resolutions. I’ve always thought of them as the easy way out, a way to pretend like we’re hitting reset on our lives. But in reality, they rarely last more than a month or two before we find ourselves slipping back into old habits. It’s even sadder when people, like me, get overwhelmed at the thought of a new start. The pressure to change can be so heavy that even the simple act of getting out of bed becomes a struggle, because the thought of all the things we should be doing feels completely paralyzing.
I’ve spent weeks stuck in that cycle, knowing I should be doing more but not being able to find the energy or motivation to start. But today, for the first time in weeks, I decided to break that cycle. I didn’t start my day with TV like I usually do, numbing my mind with mindless distractions. Instead, I decided to make a healthy breakfast, sit down on the couch, and read a shitty book about a religion I don't even believe in. But as I sat there, something became clear to me: nobody likes to do things they don’t want to do. I know that everyone reading this right now is saying "obviously", and it is obvious, but this time I thought about it. Why do we force ourselves to do things we hate and then call it “discipline”? Sure, some things are necessary, and there are times we have to push ourselves, but the constant battle against our own desires feels exhausting and it is exhausting!
I love reading, but lately I can’t seem to find a book that’s worth the time. I love working, but I can’t seem to find a job that excites me enough to get up in the morning. I love school, but lately, I feel like I’m only learning subjects that don’t ignite my curiosity. And that got me thinking—why is it that we live in a world full of "have-to’s" but so few "want-to’s"?
Maybe it’s something simple that everyone already knows. Maybe it’s a harder fix for people like me, especially those of us with ADHD, where every small task feels like an insurmountable mountain. But either way, I’ve come to realize that sometimes the hardest part of our day is just getting out of bed, even if it’s only to make it to the couch. And yet, we do it. We show up. And even if it’s just for today, that’s enough.
Maybe one day, we’ll all find something that makes us want to tackle the hard things, the things we dread. Maybe we’ll even stick with it longer than two months, and maybe we’ll look back at all the false starts and resolutions and realize that the real change came not from forcing ourselves to follow through, but from learning to find joy and purpose in the things we do.
Kylee J Peters
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