Moving on: Starts with you.

How do you move on from somebody? You can’t move on from somebody until you detach from them, and you can’t detach from them without coming to the realization that you were attached in the first place.

So, the question to ask yourself is:

• “Why am I attached to this person?”
• What void in me do I think they were filling?

First, we must understand that every person in our lives holds a small reflection of ourselves. At the core of every relationship—romantic or otherwise—is you. Your experiences, feelings, and emotional responses are all shaped by your inner world. No matter how much it feels like someone else is the cause of your pain, attachment, or joy, those emotions ultimately come from within you. So, if you struggle with something in a relationship, it may be because you struggle with that part of yourself, and the other person is simply reflecting it back to you. But the ego wants you to focus on them and their mistakes. Make sense? Now, with this information, every person you interact with will teach you a little bit more about yourself.

Now you might be asking; So… why am I attached to this person? Well, I can’t actually answer that, but you can.

Here’s my why:

This person from my past came into my life when I didn’t know who I was or where I was going with my life. Somehow, his presence helped me reconnect with myself, and somehow, he reminded me of who I was. He filled the void—which was within me. He pulled me out of it, just by being himself.

I became attached to this person because he reminded me of me. He loved deep conversations, long talks, adventures, the night sky, and he would rather spend our time doing something meaningful, then just be on our phones. He was everything I’d been looking for, even though I think it might’ve all been a lie.

I became attached because he treated me in a way I knew deserved, but his inconsistency gave me the urge to long for something that could never be, that being a relationship. It was a matter of wanting something I couldn’t have and chasing a fake scenario of what could’ve been. Yes, I might’ve fallen in love with the scenario I created in my mind of him and I. But I gaslighted myself when I said, “I think it might’ve all been a lie.” Which got me thinking… the chances that gaslighting yourself throughout that whole “relationship” are likely.

I always told myself when it comes to how people treat me, “If someone isn’t treating me right, I’ll leave.” So why did I struggle so much because of this one person? Looking back now, I think it’s because of how I felt when I first met him. Everything just felt... different. We connected instantly. Conversations flowed effortlessly. It all felt so natural, so easy. But in the end, I hurt myself—not just by allowing him to treat me the way he did, with his hot-and-cold behavior that left me mentally exhausted—but by the way I treated myself in response to it. I wasn’t in love with him, I was in love with the idea of him.

Now here’s what you’re going to do. This is your redemption, your opportunity to gain your power back. You should never put anyone on a pedestal because the moment you do, you give away your power. When you idealize someone, you start seeing them as above you, making their validation more important than your own. This is where you overlook red flags, tolerate mistreatment, and forget your own worth. No one is perfect—everyone has flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses. The key is to see people for who they truly are, not who you want them to be. Keep yourself grounded and remember that the only person who deserves to be placed on a pedestal in your life is you. So stop chasing closure. Stop looking for answers outside of yourself. Moving on starts when you realize that everything you’ve been searching for was always within you.

Know your worth. Everyone struggles with self-esteem at some point, but it’s important to reach a place where you truly recognize your value. When you do, you’ll be less likely to let someone walk all over you or settle for less than you deserve. As psychologist Nathaniel Branden once said, ‘Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.’ Don’t hold yourself back—step into your power and own your worth.

Don’t hold yourself back. Release the attachment, step into your power, and finally move on.

Kylee J Peters